Before we can grow, we must feel safe. Not just safe from the world, but safe within ourselves.

 

I believe
the greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone
is to be seen,
heard,
understood
and touched by them.

The greatest gift I can give
is to see,
hear,
understand
and touch another person.

When this is done,
I feel contact has been made.
— Virginia Satir

After trauma, that kind of safety often feels out of reach. We may not even realise how tightly we’re bracing. But our nervous system remembers — and holds on.

In this second phase of post-traumatic growth, awakening, we begin the slow and deliberate work of reclaiming safety and protection. It’s not about building walls. It’s about learning to soften again, with care.

When safety is missing, everything feels uncertain

Your emotions swirl in every direction. Your thoughts keep pulling you back to the past. And your body — it never fully relaxes, always on alert. It took me a long time to realise: trauma doesn’t just shape how we feel — it changes how we relate. To ourselves. To others. To the world around us.  Self-protection becomes second nature. Until one day, it becomes isolation. With the right support, I slowly began to unlearn those patterns. Coaching gave me tools. Mindfulness helped me pause. And meaningful relationships became mirrors where trust could start to grow again.

Needs aren’t weaknesses — they are signposts

In this phase, I had to make peace with my needs. The need for rest. The need for clarity. The need to feel held rather than judged. For a long time, I had pushed those away — afraid of being seen as “too much.” But I learned that our needs aren’t signs of weakness. They show us where healing wants to happen. Understanding this changed how I moved through the world — more grounded, more intentional, and with a growing sense of inner stability.

In my book Stronger Than Your Trauma – How to transform from victim to hero, I dive deeper into this phase with reflection questions, stories, and excersises. Not as a checklist — but as a gentle companion on your path to feeling safe again.

 In my next blog, we’ll explore the third phase: Becoming — shaping a new narrative.
 

But for now, maybe this is enough:
To pause.
To exhale.
To remember that you deserve to feel safe — in your body, your story, your life.